"Tea's up Dud"

"Thanks very much Pete"

"Nothing like a nice cup of tea"

"Nothing like a nice cup of tea is there Pete"

"Nothing like it Dud"

"What's that you're reading Pete"

"Oh this a wonderful book, dud, it's a it's steeped in history and 
everything else. It's a Burkes Peerages"

"Burkes Peerages, whats that Pete"

"Well, it's a brilliant idea, it's a book which contains the names of the 
twenty thousand most nobel people in the realm"

"Who'd wanna read that Pete"

"Well, the twenty thousand most nobel people in the realm for a start. 
It's a superb idea, it all dates back to the eighteenth century Dud. The 
age of reason where of course the clever corps reigned supreme. and 
there was this Burke, you see"

"What was his name Pete"

"Burke, Burke was his name"

"Burke?"

"Burke yes. A high fluting Burkes. One of the great Sussex Burkes, 
and eh and he was eh, he was a wandering about in his palatial 
parklands you see, Dud on a fine eighteenth century summer morning. 
A lovely scene as you can well imagine, the sun dappling through the 
trees."

"'Cause, one of his beautiful peacocks flaunting it's exotic feathers in 
the sunlight"

"Precisley, emmiting, emmiting a strange bird like cry, which 
sometimes comes from them"

(Dud squarks)

"Very similar to the noise you just emmited and suddenly"

"They crawl by"

"No, suddenly it come to him"

"What come to him, the Peacock?"

"No, this wonderful concept come to him. He thought, why don't I get 
hold of the names of the twenty thousand most most nobel people in 
the realm and flog it for two quid a time? He made a fortune out of it"

"Of course he did Pete. I could do exactly the same thing though 
couldn't I. I could go up Baron Road and knock on every door and 
say, excuse me Mrs Taylor, I wonder if you could give me your name, 
then I could put it in a book and flog it back to you"

"You'd do very well, the Baron road Gazzette"

"Yeah"

"Could do very nicely with that sort of thing"

"'Course you could, clean up boy"

"Course, the whole business of ancestory is extremely fascinating. I've 
been into my past you know"

"Really"

"Yes, I've traced myself back at Somerset House and d'ya know, in 
prime ordial times my great, great, great, great Grandfather came over 
with the Druids"

"What the Druids of Lymington Crescent"

"Yes, George and, George and Phoebe's ancestors"

"Oh yeah, well that's just marvellous init. i had a bit of trouble I went, 
um, I went to Somerset House one morning. It was a nice morning 
and I thought you know, go along to Somerset House"

"Why not pop down"

"You know, pop down and have a look at the birth certificates, you 
know, makes a change done it."

"Course it does Dud"

"So I went down there, I said to the Gentleman behind the counter 
can I have a look at my Birth Certificate. So he got it out and I had a 
look and it said, it had my Mother's name down there but eh, where 
my fathers name was supposed to be, there was nothing there. So, 
you know I thought to myself, funny you know. Mothers name here, 
Father's name not there, you know"

"Funny, Mummy, no Father, birth certificate you need the two of them, 
funny"

"Funny, pecuuliar. So I taxed my mother on this point but she was 
very evasive about it"

"Well it was probably a foggy evening that day"

"The wonderful thing about the ancestory business is, you know, 
we've all got a bit of nobel blood in our veins"

"The best place for it, isn't it Pete"

"Well it's a wonderful place for blood, Dud"

"Let's keep it that way"

"Let's keep it that way in this nuclear age where the whole hydrogen 
hovers over us all, exactly"

"Exactly"

"And do you know that we're all in line for succession to the throne?"

"Really"

"Yes if forty eight million, two hundred thousand, seven hundred and 
one people died, I'd be Queen"

"Where would I come in that Pete"

"I think three quarters of the world has to pass away before you get in 
there"

"But eh, what would do if you was Queen Pete"

"I'd turn the job down, I wouldn't do it"

"Really"

"Too much like hard work if you ask me"

"No I'd rather like it you know. I eh, I'd tell you what I'd do. I'd give the 
MBE to Mrs Wooley and I'd give Aunt Dolly the Order Of The Garter 
for services rendered to humanity"

"Yeah, your Aunt Dolly could do with a bit of decoration, couldn't she"

